Buhtt sex?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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