I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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