I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
