Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
