my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
