he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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