haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Found the puke drawer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
