Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You pole danced in your parka.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
