You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
