I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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