never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
