is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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