I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
