Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
