I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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