I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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