I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
