the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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