You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
