seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
