First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize