I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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