May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
operation have a gay friend backfired
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
