i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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