True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
