i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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