hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
