what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
