I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
