i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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