do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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