ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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