Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
