my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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