if i can run in heels then i can drive
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
