How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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