Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
