Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
3pm strippers are depressing
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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