I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
