having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Everyone says I win the strip club
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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