I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
