I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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