I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
