But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
