roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize