i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
