I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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