i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
