We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
