Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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