I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
