I looked at my own cervix.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
