Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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