If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
