i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
