Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
