i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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