What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
