I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
