This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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