I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
