Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
