Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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