Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
