I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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