he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
