And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize