I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
