I'm lost and stupid without you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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