That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
