i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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