Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
As shirtless as possible
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
