yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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