It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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