guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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