OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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