I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I FOUND THE LEGS
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
