Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
