Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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